Today, my blog post is going to be a bit controversial, I’m
afraid. This is a topic on which I have strong feelings but have shied away
from for its sensitivity. These are only my perceptions as an expat from
America where, for the most part, hired “help” is only accessible to those in
the upper echelons of society. When I first began visiting Jordan, where my
husband’s family lives, I was very uncomfortable having a maid pick up
after me, clean my private bathroom, and serve my meals. After several extended
visits over three years, I finally moved here permanently in 2012. Over time, I became accustomed to having a
housemaid, although I don’t agree with the concept due to my upbringing in the
states. In addition, maids are often treated unjustly here, though in
our home that is definitely not the case. As a do-it-yourself American, in my
opinion it would be much easier to just take care of things myself, often
avoiding frustration and drama, but I have learned that culture also plays a
big part in this custom. Here, it is
often considered beneath a person to do some of the everyday tasks I have grown
up doing all my life. I am ashamed that I have come to accept this cultural
norm on some levels, even though I disagree with it on principle.
The way I found I could make a difference is by not treating
domestic workers and service providers as lesser people than I am; that
includes our family’s domestic employees and those of our friends, janitors and
maids at the school where I work, waitstaff, parking lot attendants, etc. There
is no need to talk down to another person, to demean them, or to make them feel
as if they are somehow less worthy of respect as a human being. I do not want
them to defer to me, to fear me, to avoid eye contact with me or to “obey” me,
only to turn their back and speak ill of me to others, and I am astute enough
to know that the way I treat them in large part dictates their attitude and
behavior toward me. As my husband often says, “A little kindness and
appreciation goes a long way.” Fortunately, the example I’ve seen in our home
is a relationship of justice between domestic employees and their employers,
and one of mutual respect.
Since helpers are hired to perform “jobs,” there should be
some accountability on the part of their employers to treat them as proper
employees. That means they should have rights; rights which include fair pay,
reasonable hours, medical and dental care, and adequate time off to allow them balance
in their lives. If an employee can’t be trusted to come back, then the employer must
consider that they may have chosen poorly, and they may even want to reevaluate
the way they have been treating that employee. Generally, if an employee feels
appreciated, respected, and valued, she will not run off. They need the work,
and they will continue coming to work if the job is a good one. Let’s face it:
cleaning up after others is not a real pleasant job. Many of us have had to do it
as either a childhood chore responsibility, as a parent, or as part of our own
work, so we know what housework and home maintenance entails. It’s not
glamorous; it is hard work, backbreaking work sometimes, and it’s endless. Now,
think how it would feel to have someone snapping at you, criticizing your work,
and watching your every move all day at your job, giving you looks of disdain
and mistrust. That would create a bit of stress, I imagine, and a good dose of
resentment for one’s boss. It would feel
demoralizing.
Where I am from, nursing homes and independent living
centers for the elderly are commonplace, as are home daycare centers, where a
licensed childcare provider will use part or all of her home to run a regulated
business, and is authorized to care for a specific number of children. Here in
Jordan, I was surprised to find out that such options are nearly, if not
completely, non-existent. Therefore,
loved ones are not farmed out if they have special needs or are too old to care
for themselves any longer; they remain in the family home and hired help is
arranged to care for them. While some children
attend pre-school for half a day, childcare centers offering care from 6 a.m.
to 6 p.m. are unheard of. Labor is extremely inexpensive in Jordan, and laws for
hiring domestic workers are much less stringent than in other parts of the
world, therefore it is much easier to afford to hire helpers to live in one’s
home for room and board, and a shockingly paltry salary. Even many of those who fall in the lower
middle class here in Jordan have at least one maid, and those with more
affluence often have a few to several maids, a nanny or two, a guard, a driver and a gardener. Some even go out in public with a posse of
care providers to help them go about daily living. I’m not going to lie; it’s nice having
someone else around to do the lion’s share of the work.
Yes, one hears how these workers “have it much worse at
home,” or that they “have no better options,” and that “they choose to come
here to work, and that “they actually
have a better life here!” Fine, and those statements may all be true in some
cases. I have been in the homes of many families I know where I have seen the
maids treated very respectfully, and even in some cases, as part of the family.
Some people here say, “if you treat maids too nicely, they take advantage of you,
so you have to keep your distance and not get too friendly.” I’ve tried to wrap
my brain around this concept, and justify it by rationalizing that at the end
of the day, it IS a job for them, and one which they interviewed for and
accepted, and for which they get paid. But these individuals who care for us in
our homes are human beings with needs, thoughts, and feelings, to the same
extent their employers have. They have lives outside of our homes, and worries,
financial commitments and external stressors, and they carry the weight of this
worry daily. When dealing with people,
there is no black and white in behavior; we are not machines performing jobs,
we are imperfect living, feeling, thinking beings. Domestic workers should have
all the same opportunities to express themselves as any other person, and to
work to improve their stations in life. They,
too, dream of finding true love, and of having a better life. They should be asked how they are doing, how
they are feeling, and be cared for reciprocally. I am not suggesting the employer should stand
in as confidante and therapist; if allowed social lives, friends are available
to be a listening ear to them. But if
kept in the home of their employer 24/7, whom else do they have to show concern
for them? After they are done with their
work, they should be able to remove their aprons, so to speak, and then they
should be able to enjoy their personal lives.
If not, we are no better than slave owners in a modern, civilized
society, and that is atrocious. As an American who was raised learning about
the horrors of slavery, it’s an affront to me to witness this domineering, self-righteous,
caste-like treatment of a fellow human being. I know it is common in many parts
of the world, but I don’t condone it, and it doesn’t mean it is just. There’s no way to justify this type of
behavior, or to sugar coat the fact that many employers overstep the boundaries
and abuse the rights that should exist between them and their domestic workers. There is certainly a way to be an assertive employer who holds his employees accountable without infringing on their basic rights as human beings.
There are employment agencies that help place domestic
workers, for a fee of course, and then the people hiring them also pay the agency
placement fees. It comes down to
business at the end of the day, and the hired help are the last ones in the
equation to benefit from such arrangements.
Many of the maids and guards/gardeners have families back at home; their
own children and spouses and extended family and friends are far away and out
of reach. They are far from the cultural
comforts of home. A large portion of their salaries is sent home to help
support their families. I’m no authority
on the subject, but I would venture to guess that they come here to survive,
not because they want to be here, for the most part.
Many maids here, I have learned, are kept almost hostage,
having their passports and earned pay held by their employers so they won’t
“run away.” And some of them do run
away. For various reasons, but mostly
because they feel oppressed, mistreated, and underpaid. They feel they have no
options…in this place where they have come to have “better options” and a
“better life.” Some, on the other hand,
run off for love or out of mischief, and some even rob their employers on the
way out. It happens. They have no real rights; they can be turned in to the
police based on the word of their employer, with no burden of proof, and can
even face deportment. They can be stopped while out in public, and forced to
show their identification and work permits, just on a whim, so must have these
documents on their person at all times.
Most homes here in Jordan are designed with a maid’s room,
and the ones I have seen are smaller than some of the food pantries or master
bedroom walk-in-closets I have had in the past.
This is the space where the maid can spend her limited free time. Some,
the "lucky" ones, have laptop computers or mobile phones and are allowed Internet
access so they can go online for learning, entertainment or socializing, and
perhaps even to stay in contact with their families via Skype. Some are allowed
nights off on a weekly basis, to leave the home altogether. Others are allowed
only one day a month off, and must return home to sleep after that day is done.
Some are expected to work 24/7, on call at a moment’s notice. Others have flexible schedules that require
only that they complete the necessary tasks for the day and then they can relax
in between, and they are “off the clock” as soon as the family is settled for
the night, usually after dinner.
Some may think I have no right to judge, and they are
correct. It is not my intent to judge, or to try to understand the intricacies of
a centuries-old cultural system, but I can say what I see and how I perceive it
from my own perspective. I think it’s awful. Will it end anytime soon? Probably
not. Can people choose to change their attitudes about it? Yes. That is my
point in all of this; to raise awareness about the subject and to encourage
people to bring themselves to account for the way they treat their fellow human
beings. Some people will be unmoved by this, or even incensed that I feel I
have the right to broach the subject. Others will be saddened, angry and motivated
to create change of the conditions in which hired help work. There are several
organizations in Jordan that are advocating for better laws to protect the
rights of domestic workers, and many fair, kind and just employers, and I
applaud their efforts.
In a perfect world, only those who could afford to pay fair compensation for work performed
would have the luxury of having hired help. Many would lose that luxury and
would be faced with the rude awakening of doing for themselves. Maybe the
house would be a bit less sparkly, or the children may have a few dribble
stains on their shirts, the windows would get washed quarterly
instead of weekly, and the car would only be washed monthly instead of daily. That
is the reality for many, and let me tell you, it is a good feeling to care for
oneself and to be self-sufficient. I know that culturally, it is considered a
rank of status to have hired helpers here in the Middle East. People notice if others
have hired helpers working for them and how many, and it is mentally noted. Bringing about a change in attitudes about the need for and treatment of domestic workers will
not happen overnight. There are many more issues related to domestic workers in
the Middle East, even horrendous stories of abuse, which I have not touched on
here. Clearly, Middle Eastern society has a long way to go in terms of
attaining equality for all its peoples.
A sense of entitlement is very ego-based, and when ego is
strong, pride takes over. Pride stands
in the way of a lot of things, and only when we face that less desirable part
of ourselves can we see ourselves the way others see us. Only then, too, can we see others as living beings
with feelings, hopes and dreams like we have for ourselves. In this unstable
world in which we live, we see all around us the cushy and comfy lifestyles of
some being abruptly yanked out like rugs from under their feet. Economic strife, war, and other unforeseen
circumstances can change our lives in the blink of an eye. In these situations, the playing field is suddenly
leveled and people from all walks of life find themselves standing shoulder to
shoulder, just trying to survive. It’s best to be prepared, for we never know
when we will be humbled and have to rely on ourselves to get things done. Why
not practice a bit more humility now, especially in our interactions with
others? All major religions in the world, and even secular teachings, have a
saying for the “Golden Rule,” yet many
good people seem to forget the Golden Rule, or only apply it when it suits
them, often in the form of charity. The point is not to throw money around to
make up for the ill treatment of others, absolving us of our transgressions.
It’s about treating people in the right way every day because we know that is
what we should do, and immediately apologizing for our shortcomings when we
fail to do so.
Respectfully written,
~MK
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