Pack of Wolves

     There is nothing like a rush of strong emotion and adrenaline to inspire one to write. I returned home prematurely today from what started off as a relaxing, energizing walk with my dog. In the part of Amman, Jordan where I live, I walk my dog daily on sidewalks that line the fronts of homes built between busy arterial streets. It’s considered a very safe and decent place to live. I’ve noticed a distinct change recently, however, in how secure I feel when I am out walking in my neighborhood.

      Today, I experienced something unsettling for the third time in just the past few months: harassment by a group of young men. It’s not so much the actual infringement on my personal space and peace of mind that has me upset, though; it’s a trend I’m seeing among many teenaged boys and young men in Jordan. Young men in the Middle East generally hang out in groups and have a lot of spare time on their hands. Often, they loiter in the malls and indiscreetly follow young women from closely behind—not enough to inspire them to spark a conversation with them, mind you, but just enough to annoy the ladies and make them feel uncomfortable. Not only have I witnessed this, but I’ve been a target and so have my two daughters. It is very apparent that many young men in this culture lack social skills and common decency when it comes to dealing with women and girls.

      I am in my mid-forties and do not carry myself in a way that garners this sort of attention from anyone. I dress decently by any standards and do not smile at or engage in eye contact with male strangers here, in an effort to avoid sending the wrong message. This took some getting used to since prior to my move here I had lived my whole life in the friendly Pacific Northwest region of the U.S. where smiling at passersby is common and considered polite. After a few neighborly smiles that drew unwanted attention, however, I learned the wisdom behind my husband’s advice to avoid such interactions. 

      On previous occasions when a pack of young boys has verbally harassed and followed me, I have just hurried ahead and checked back from time to time to gauge my safety, which in retrospect probably emboldened their behavior. I recognized this group as one that had targeted me before, and they likely found me familiar as well, or at least recognized my adorable and harmless looking dog. I debated confronting them, but decided I refused to be intimidated in broad daylight in my very own neighborhood. Today, I snapped.

My beautiful Irish Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier 

     I have dark hair and an olive complexion and could easily pass for an Arab, except I’m not. I’m an American expat who does not speak or understand Arabic well, and apparently, this aspect of the culture either. It is instances like these that make me angry, where I am subject to injustice just for being a woman. These boys likely figured I was a local woman just out walking her dog and would probably just ignore them. I disagree with this type of response; to ignore such behavior is to acquiesce, to allow it to continue, to essentially be a victim.

     Where I grew up, young men had manners. They knew if they wanted the attention of a girl or a woman, they needed to model behavior that was worthy of receiving it. Catcalling and aggressively following others not only shows ill manners and blatant disrespect for others, but it indicates a deficit on the aggressor’s part. It shows weakness and cowardliness. It shows a lack of self-discipline and even self-respect. Humans are not animals that chase prey for sport or other more basic needs. We are higher beings with intellectual capacities that have allowed us to become civilized over time, increasingly so in most cases.

     Here is what happened: I was nearing the middle of my typical half-hour walk with my dog and was about mid-way on the usual route we take. It was extremely cold and almost dusk so I was walking quickly when I suddenly heard several loud voices that caught my attention. The only word I understood was, “Kalb!” which means “dog” in Arabic. I turned my head to see four tall young men about a block away striding confidently toward me with a small boy in tow, all shouting words I could not understand. I thought I recognized them as the same young men who had taunted my dog and me and thrown rocks at her just weeks prior when we had passed them while they played with a soccer ball in the street.

     I continued up my usual path at a faster clip than before, figuring they would give up and go about their business. At some point, I turned back to check, and they were less than 100 yards behind me. When I looked, they all started up with the harassment again. I felt my heart race a little, though not out of fear because I knew that if confronted, these cowards would back down, even to a mere woman. But I am not a mere woman—and I was livid. 

     Whipping my mobile phone out of my pocket, I turned on the video feature, did an abrupt about-face and began filming them. The little miscreants all covered their faces with their hands and turned their heads sideways and downward, away from my camera. They walked past, avoiding me, but I turned to follow them and shouted, “Fee mushkileh?” or, “Is there a problem?” and then firmly said, “AIB!” which means, “For shame!” Only after I walked away did one turn to say, “No. Inti fee mushkileh?” meaning, “No. Do YOU have a problem?” Hell hath no fury like a disrespected and hormonal woman, and I think they sensed this. I hope I exhibited just enough crazy to scare the little one of the bunch from growing up to mimic this behavior; he was dodging me like my dog does when it's her bath time.

The short 15 second video below gives an idea of the cowardly hooligans I was up against. 

     After our face-to-hidden-faces confrontation, the five started sauntering in the direction of the King Hussein Mosque where the call to prayer was being broadcast. Instead of going straight toward my own home, I stood on the corner of a well-known politician’s property and dialed my husband on the phone to vent my frustrations. I think he was just glad I didn’t take it upon myself to inflict bodily harm on them. He recently supplied me with a Taser to ward off packs of stray dogs, and I am extremely glad I didn’t have it with me today, because I might have been inclined to use it on this pack of wolves. All the while, a few of the little piss-ants kept turning their heads back to see me watching them and on my phone, and then they all started sprinting up the hill and around the corner.

     I work at a private school in Amman and I interact with high school students there regularly. Never are they disrespectful to me—in fact, it’s quite to the contrary; they are all helpful and polite and exceedingly respectful to me. Mind you, I am not a teacher so my interactions with them are limited—I’m sure they have their moments. After I got home from this encounter, I couldn’t help but wonder if the same well-behaved young adults I see at school ever conduct themselves in this manner outside of school. It would be appalling if that were the case! That led me to think that these young men I saw today, who likely live above-average lifestyles in nearby homes and attend private schools, must also have similar behavior expectations wherever they attend school. 

    Where then, is the breakdown? If schools have such high behavioral standards, then where else might this behavior be learned? It's not the job of schools to teach these behaviors, but only to reinforce what has hopefully been instilled at home. Haven’t their parents taught these boys how women should be regarded? Would these boys mind if another pack of young men did this to their mothers or their sisters? Or, have they been taught appropriate behavior but decided to ignore it, like so many other moral teachings that are disregarded? Are they succumbing to peer pressure to act like alpha males? In any case, there is no valid excuse for such behavior. 

I raised two girls, so I don’t know what role a mother plays in raising young men who respect women, but I have a husband, father, brothers, and plenty of other male family members and friends in my life who seem to have learned these very basic standards for human interaction. How do fathers and other male role models inspire and influence the way young men interact with members of the opposite sex? I don't have the answers, but it certainly raises a good issue that parents and adults can reflect upon and discuss with the youth in their lives. 

     Do people not see the hypocrisy in this sort of behavior? Pious people abound who have no notion of what it means to think of other people before themselves. How will this region advance if many that make up its future generation cannot even be civilized? I've heard it said that humans are among Jordan's greatest resources. God help us if this is the caliber of people who the country will depend upon for its future success. Today, I turned to two elderly men dressed in conservative attire, and a bit shaken and in my very limited Arabic said, “Shabab hon, mushkileh!” which indicated, however crudely, “Young boys here, problem!” They looked at me dismissively and just waved their hand up the road to where the pack was still turned around saying rude things to me, and said, “Mish mushkileh,” or, “There’s no problem.” Therein lies the problem—because there is, apparently, no problem.