In the Right Place at The Right Time

I took a Boston Harbor cruise and enjoyed the cityscape from the water. 

My daughter walking along a street of Brownstones.

Three weeks ago, I left my new home in Amman for what was to be a short, one-week trip to Boston to tour some universities with my daughter.  We had a wonderful time.  Boston was beautiful in all its autumn glory.  The first order of business was to attend university tours and explore some campuses. We even squeezed in some visits with family who live in the area, a bonus we had not expected.   My daughter loved the Boston area and anxiously awaits responses from several of the universities she applied to in the area.   Quickly learning how to navigate in the city, we took full advantage of the excellent public transportation available in Boston.  It is an extremely walking friendly city as well, which we really enjoyed.  I toured the North End and the South End on foot.  On blistered feet, actually.  I partook of the fabulous Italian food in the North End and ducked into several of the many boutiques there, and then enjoyed an amazing lamb meal in a jazz club in the South End the next day, after exploring the cozy neighborhoods of brownstones. Of course, my daughter and I knew no trip to Boston would be complete without having some lobster, so we indulged on the last night in town, and weren't disappointed. After a busy but relaxing and fun week, I was ready to head back home to my husband.

We spent an afternoon exploring Plymouth, MA.

Instead of returning to Amman as planned, however, we had a sudden change of plans and needed to be on the west coast to see family there.  On about 12 hours’ notice, we flew out to Los Angeles where we rented a car and took a road trip, stopping to see family in California.  We had lunch with my eldest brother and his wife and daughter in LA, then drove down to the Palm Springs area to be with my other daughter, then to Portland, Oregon, and finally to our hometown near Seattle, Washington.  So, our one week trip unexpectedly turned into three long, but enjoyable, weeks.

Once back in my hometown, I got to spend time with my immediate family and some good friends.   My days were full and not particularly stressful, but I found myself completely exhausted nonetheless.  Even while I was still in Boston, I had a feeling of homesickness, and realized that for the first time, the “home” I was yearning for was my new home in Amman, Jordan!  That was a bit of a breakthrough moment for me, since before I left there, I still felt like I was settling in and getting adjusted to all the changes.  

During this entire trip, I stayed at three different hotels, one guesthouse, and even in one motel, when I was travel weary and just needed a place to rest my head for a few hours.  Once in Washington, I stayed alternately in my good friend’s home, and my parents’ home.  That’s a lot of bouncing around, and living out of a suitcase.  I realized though, that I am pretty flexible when it comes to just going with the flow.  And one thing I have learned is that if I try to remain rooted in the present, enjoying where I am at any particular moment, I usually realize that I am in the right place at the right time. This certainly proved to be true on this trip.

There is a peculiar thing that some Arab people do when the plane they are on touches ground in a successful landing.  They clap their hands and cheer, saying words of thanks and appreciation.  A few years ago when I first experienced this, I thought it very odd.  This time, as our plane made its descent over the Jordan Valley, and the white clouds gave way to the endless brown hills, the snaking highways and sparse communities below, I smiled.  I didn’t join in the clapping when we landed, but I appreciated the sentiment behind it, for sure.   When I saw my husband waiting for me in the Queen Alia airport terminal, I knew just how good it was to be safe at home. 

Good afternoon, Amman, and good morning, Seattle!
~M.

What Can I Do?

After nearly two months here in Amman, I am beginning to finally feel that this is home.  I’ve gone through a range of emotions already as I adjust to the changes in my lifestyle.  The pace of life is simpler here.  With the exception of the traffic, it is much slower and less time driven.  I’m learning to relax and not to expect to meet deadlines, appointments or goals as originally planned.   Everything eventually gets done, just not always on my timeline.  For a control-freak like me, this is a tough lesson.  Becoming flexible and more patient in nature and trying not to become frustrated about time delays is my goal. 

As many Americans are, I am a constant doer.  I rarely used to sit down and relax at home in the states.  There was always something to be done.  Reading a book or watching a program was a guilty pleasure, a mere time filler or sleep inducer.  Now, I am finding that I have many hours to fill because I am not working here yet, nor am I the head of household as I was in the states.  All of the tasks related to keeping a home are not my responsibility here, so my days are quite open ended.  I read a lot now, and I’ve admittedly been doing my fair share of watching mindless television series.  For the first few weeks, I was unpacking, getting settled and adjusting to the reality of my permanent move.  Once that actually sank in, I panicked a bit.  I suddenly realized I needed something to do…right then!  I sulked, I cried, and likely drove my husband a little bit crazy.  He made some calls trying to get some leads on volunteer work I might do, and found a school where I could enroll in Arabic lessons.  I relaxed a little, knowing plans were in the making.  After I quit focusing on all the things I couldn’t do (such as speak Arabic, drive, etc.) I started focusing on making a plan.  I decided that I wanted to learn a bit of Arabic before I seek a job, but would like to do some volunteer work for a non-profit NGO or other non-profit business in the interim.  

Later that week, I met with a man and his wife who are starting up an NGO focused on youth empowerment in the community.  They said they could use my help setting up their office and potentially interacting with the youth as well once the program builds.  In mid-October I will meet with them again to see how their business plans are progressing and when they will be ready for me to come assist them.  This will be a part-time position to start, but will expose me to others in the community and will slowly get me back into work mode. 

As far as learning Arabic goes, my sister-in-law took me to the Modern Language Center in Amman to inquire about class schedules and fees there.  I decided that if I go there, I would start in early November.  Each course segment is one month long, and there are ten levels in the Arabic course.  Then, last week I asked my sister-in-law to take me to a children’s bookstore to buy some Arabic alphabet flashcards.  She patiently worked with me on how to make all the sounds for each letter, and I began to memorize them.  After two days, I could recite the 28 letters in the Arabic alphabet in order, and write them as well.  On day 3, I studied a book I have called Easy Arabic Script, and learned how the letters “join up” when written, much like cursive writing.  By the next day, I could sound out and read words in the newspaper.  By day 4, I was reading road signs and advertisements when we were in the car.  I can even text in Arabic now!  It is the most amazing feeling and the only thing I can compare it to would be when my own girls were just learning to read, and how excited they would become when they sounded out a new word and realized they could actually read!  It’s as if a whole new world has opened up for me.  I am giddy with excitement, and so determined to learn and eventually master this language.  The next step is to build my vocabulary and to have confidence when trying to speak to others in Arabic. 

Gaining my bearings in Amman took a little time for me, but I am finally becoming more familiar with the routes we take to get to most of the places we go.  There are really just three or four main arterial roads, and lots of crowded, secret side streets and back roads off of them.  Those are the roads I am less familiar with, but I generally have an idea how to get around town now.  Esam keeps telling me that once I drive, it will all make sense to me.  Yesterday, my daughter wanted to be dropped off somewhere for a few hours, and I volunteered to drive her.  It was on a Friday, which is the first day of the weekend here, so the streets were less busy than usual and it was a good day for me to venture out on the streets of Amman.  It was easy, and I realized that even had it been a little more crowded and chaotic on the streets, I would have easily been able to navigate my way and hold my ground against reckless, feckless and inconsiderate drivers.  After I dropped my daughter off, I realized that I could take advantage of the lax enforcement of the speed limit, so I gleefully pressed on the gas and zipped up the hill home, EVEN changing lanes without signaling.  Scandalous, I know.  It felt good to be behind the wheel again, and I have to admit, the hidden speed demon in me could get used to these relaxed rules.  It's a good thing I was only in a 4-cylinder car.

On the political front, I’ve been watching the news about the U.S. Presidential Campaign as well as trying to follow the local and regional news here.  Without going into too many details about my thoughts and opinions about specifics, I want to express how strange it feels to be living so far from home during an election year.  Four years ago, I was following every sound-byte, every debate, every detail of the election.  Now, it is with some detachment and a sense of disconnect that I read the headlines and opinion polls of the 2012 race.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not as optimistic about the outcome of the next four years or of the state of the union in general, or if it’s because I am focusing more of my energies on trying to understand the political climate here in this region where I am now living.  The atrocities in Syria are unrelenting and agonizing to witness.  Palestine and Israel are no closer to a peaceful solution.  The Iranian government is hurting its own people and flexing its muscles on the world stage, meanwhile Jordan has its own struggles, economical, social and political.  It is very surreal to see life go on right before one's eyes in the midst of such tragedy.   Sadly, life has no choice but to move forward:  people must still work to provide for their families, young people must still strive for a better future by seeking a solid education, and parents must still nurture and train their young children and continue to give them hope for a brighter future.  And throughout it all, each must still seek the joy in the small things in life.  When I look around, I see so much beauty, and so much to be grateful for.  It’s easy to get caught up in the mundane, in the minute details and the negative aspects of life, and I do this more often than I feel comfortable admitting.   Yet I keep pondering how I can make some small difference, have some positive impact on humanity, as I eventually seek out a new career here in Amman.  The world is in turmoil and apathy abounds.  Surely there is something I can do.

Sabah al-khayr, Amman, and Goodnight Seattle!

~M.

Settling In

                   

Well, it’s been a little over three months since my last blog entry.  Many changes have taken place since then; I am now all settled in my new home in Amman, Jordan.  Having arrived in mid-August, I have been able to enjoy the tail end of summer here.  The weather is perfect—not too hot, and with gentle evening breezes off our balcony where my husband and I enjoy spending evenings together.  Within the first few days, I had all of my clothes and books unpacked and put away, ready to start making myself at home.

The first few weeks were fun as we were surrounded by all of our family.  It was a full house and everybody enjoyed the time together.  Sharing meals together, relaxing and chatting together, one-on-one conversations, play time with my nieces and nephews (including a new baby niece on whom everyone doted!), and a few outings made the time pass all too quickly, but lots of wonderful memories were made.  With six young grandchildren coming and going, there was never a dull moment!  They definitely keep us all entertained.  There is so much love and closeness in this family, and I feel fortunate to be a part of it.

September crept up on us and all the bigger children had to return to school, and now things are starting to settle into a normal routine.  The house feels empty now with just Esam’s parents, my eldest daughter, Kaelin, and us.  Kaelin arrived from Seattle on September 3^rd for a “gap year” here in Amman before she goes off to study at university.  She is also settling in, but is becoming eager for something to fill her days.  Still considering taking an Arabic language course, she is not sure she wants to commit to such an intensive program just yet.  She would prefer to do some volunteer work or to take a part-time job.  We’re looking into other opportunities and activities that may be available to her.

Having made a few friends from prior visits here, Kaelin was excited to reconnect with them and they have already introduced her to some more friends.  Esam and I are excited to see the effects of her exposure to this region.  She is sure to experience personal growth and will undoubtedly  remember this year for years to come.

To fill my days while Esam is at work, I have been doing a lot of reading.  Since my 2010 trip to Jerusalem, I have had a keen interest in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and the general history of this region.  The last two books I have read have been about this subject, and I am soaking up the knowledge, realizing I will put it to good use now that I am living permanently in a region that is directly affected by it.  Personally, I try to abstain from partisan politics and avoid the divisiveness that comes about from engaging in political discussions in general.  Of course, I have my leanings, and this topic is not an exception.  Nevertheless, because of my desire to have a balanced education about the history of this entire region (which is so deeply saturated with politics and religion), I am making a point of reading materials from both sides of the conflict, which invariably includes the histories of the neighboring countries on all sides of us here in Jordan.  Some of the information makes me uncomfortable or causes me to rethink my positions, but it is all a part of my independent investigation of truth.  To understand a group of people, I believe one must have knowledge of and tolerance for their history.  In this region, there are many diverse groups of people--all with rich histories, beautiful customs and fascinating traditions, and I want to be able to fully appreciate those whose land I’ve come to call my new home.  To sum up the character of a group of people based on the actions and beliefs of the minority of that group is unacceptable in my eyes, and goes against all that I believe in, therefore I am striving to learn all I can about the peoples in this very unique and ancient 
land.

There is a different rhythm to life here in the Middle East.  What may have seemed chaotic on my first few visits is becoming less and less so the more time I spend here. While there seems to be a general lack of organization at times, the frequent inability to stand in a cue without cutting in line or pushing and invading one’s “bubble” of personal space, and epic failures when it comes to staying in one’s own lane during traffic, there are far fewer feathers ruffled when these things occur than would be the case back in the states.  Personal space is just not that important in such a communal culture, I'm finding.  It seems that as long as everyone gets to where they’re going, the manner in which they do so doesn’t seem to really matter.  On my first few visits here, I was struck by what I thought was extremely rude behavior (and sometimes it is actually rude!), but I am now beginning to understand that most people are not intentionally being rude, but are instead oblivious of others’ needs for such stringent rules and expectations.  Though turning a blind eye to those who break rules isn't necessarily the right thing to do, it's often the only way to keep oneself sane.  I learned a new word a few weeks ago:  “Roo’a, ” (pronounced Roo-uh with a rolled “R”) which basically means, “CHILL OUT!”  Good advice if I want to assimilate.

A cobbler busy at work in downtown Amman, or "Balad"

Safety seems to be less of a concern here, it seems.  Infant and toddler car seats are often optional to parents, and certainly not required, or at least enforced, by law.  It’s a bit unnerving to drive up alongside a car with a toddler hanging halfway out the window, or with a newborn on a mother’s lap in the front passenger seat.

No car seat, no seatbelt, no worries!

"Look, Mom!  No car seat and I'm in the front seat!"

Typical traffic, with lanes completely disregarded, and passengers perched in the back of a truck.

I often see workers or passengers sitting in the back of a truck bed, often precariously perched atop objects being transported.  I cringe to think what could, and often does, happen to people here in the case of a car accident.  Pedestrians here seem to have no need of crosswalks or foot bridges because it’s faster to just cross into heavy traffic.  They will most likely make it, so why not?  If a driver here strikes a pedestrian with his car, (or in rarer cases, if a pedestrian hits a driver’s car by some freak accident such as falling from a balcony onto a non-moving car) it is always the driver’s fault, regardless of whether the pedestrian walked right in front of his moving vehicle.  In such cases, stupidity pays.  And whether or not it seems just or makes any sense at all, the driver must make personal and often arbitrary reparations to the pedestrian, or the pedestrian’s family if he should become deceased due to the accident.  This is tribal law, and in addition to any civil law, it can be enforced.   Note to self:  avoid pedestrians at ALL costs when behind the wheel!  As if I wouldn’t anyway, but here it is paramount.

Two men from the gulf region, dressed in dishdasha and hattahs, or keffiyehs, and shades, of course!

There is also a difference in how long a person can stare or look at another while still having it considered culturally acceptable.  It’s for a much longer time here, which makes for an uncomfortable feeling if one is not used to it.  Of course, one is free to wear whatever clothing one chooses here in Jordan, but for women, if you choose to bare your shoulders, your legs above the knee (and often even below the knee) you ARE going to get stared at—by men and women alike!  I’m not even sure what percentage of women here in Amman chooses to wear hijab (head scarf) or niqab (a black veil that covers a woman’s face and neck), or an abaya (a modest full length overcoat or dress worn over the clothes), or any combination of the three, but it is definitely less than half of the population.  For men wearing dishdasha (traditional Middle Eastern white, ankle length garment similar to a robe) and/or a hattah or keffiyeh (scarf like head cover, sometimes with a checkered pattern that identifies one’s country of origin), the percentages are even less.  In any case, here in Jordan, the majority of society as a whole eschews immodest dress.  My general rule of thumb is to pack a light long sleeve sweater or wrap in my handbag to cover up as necessary.  There are more conservative neighborhoods where it would be disrespectful to dress even in short sleeves or with a skirt or dress.   I have no intention of exerting my right to dress how I choose if it’s at the cost of offending others.  As the saying goes, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”  Or in my case, “When in Rome, understand what the Romans do, and try to be respectful!”  It’s a bit ironic, but at many of the shops in the malls here (and boy, do they have malls here!!!), the mannequins are displayed wearing skimpy, tight, low-cut or short clothing, when in most cases, such clothing is considered completely inappropriate.  Kaelin and I wonder who in Amman buys these items and where do they wear them?  Of course, the clubbing and nightlife scene in Amman is alive and well, so perhaps that is where they get to put them to use.

Speaking of nightlife…we are adapting to the lifestyle here in which most activities take place at night, after 8:00 or so.  It is common to have a 10:00 dinner reservation, or to meet friends for coffee, tea or drinks at 11:00 or so.  There are many hip cafes, coffeehouses and shisha (shisha, argeeleh, hookah, call it want you want) bars, many of which are open-air terraces or with street-side seating.  Driving through the city at night, it’s always fun to people-watch and take in the hustle and bustle of the evening shoppers and late-night strollers.   Staying up so late requires a schedule adjustment, so sleeping in till 9:00 or so and going to sleep after 1:00 a.m. is my new “normal,” often accompanied by the occasional nap.  While drinking caffeinated beverages after 2:00 or 3:00 p.m. was typically a surefire way to bring on a bout of insomnia for me back home, here it is often essential as a pick-me-up to make it through the long evenings.

Having had sufficient time to become adjusted to my new home and schedule, I am finding myself antsy to start something for myself.  On a recent Skype call to my parents, my mother asked, “So, Michelle.  How is it living the life of leisure?  Are you bored yet?!?”  She knows me too well.  Since I will need to eventually learn Arabic, it seemed prudent to start with that, before seeking volunteer work or a job, since having the basics of the language under my belt will expand my options.  Esam has found a four-week intensive Arabic language course that meets five days a week for five hours each day, with an additional three hours of homework each day.  Whew!  My head will be spinning, but it will be well worth the time and effort.  Life here will be so much more enjoyable without the language barrier. 

If any of my readers has a curiosity about some aspect of life here in Amman, or a particular question you want to ask me, please do!  I look forward to sharing about specific topics that are interesting to those who follow my blog.  Ask away! 

Good evening, Amman, and good morning, Seattle!

~M.