Settling In

                   

Well, it’s been a little over three months since my last blog entry.  Many changes have taken place since then; I am now all settled in my new home in Amman, Jordan.  Having arrived in mid-August, I have been able to enjoy the tail end of summer here.  The weather is perfect—not too hot, and with gentle evening breezes off our balcony where my husband and I enjoy spending evenings together.  Within the first few days, I had all of my clothes and books unpacked and put away, ready to start making myself at home.

The first few weeks were fun as we were surrounded by all of our family.  It was a full house and everybody enjoyed the time together.  Sharing meals together, relaxing and chatting together, one-on-one conversations, play time with my nieces and nephews (including a new baby niece on whom everyone doted!), and a few outings made the time pass all too quickly, but lots of wonderful memories were made.  With six young grandchildren coming and going, there was never a dull moment!  They definitely keep us all entertained.  There is so much love and closeness in this family, and I feel fortunate to be a part of it.

September crept up on us and all the bigger children had to return to school, and now things are starting to settle into a normal routine.  The house feels empty now with just Esam’s parents, my eldest daughter, Kaelin, and us.  Kaelin arrived from Seattle on September 3^rd for a “gap year” here in Amman before she goes off to study at university.  She is also settling in, but is becoming eager for something to fill her days.  Still considering taking an Arabic language course, she is not sure she wants to commit to such an intensive program just yet.  She would prefer to do some volunteer work or to take a part-time job.  We’re looking into other opportunities and activities that may be available to her.

Having made a few friends from prior visits here, Kaelin was excited to reconnect with them and they have already introduced her to some more friends.  Esam and I are excited to see the effects of her exposure to this region.  She is sure to experience personal growth and will undoubtedly  remember this year for years to come.

To fill my days while Esam is at work, I have been doing a lot of reading.  Since my 2010 trip to Jerusalem, I have had a keen interest in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and the general history of this region.  The last two books I have read have been about this subject, and I am soaking up the knowledge, realizing I will put it to good use now that I am living permanently in a region that is directly affected by it.  Personally, I try to abstain from partisan politics and avoid the divisiveness that comes about from engaging in political discussions in general.  Of course, I have my leanings, and this topic is not an exception.  Nevertheless, because of my desire to have a balanced education about the history of this entire region (which is so deeply saturated with politics and religion), I am making a point of reading materials from both sides of the conflict, which invariably includes the histories of the neighboring countries on all sides of us here in Jordan.  Some of the information makes me uncomfortable or causes me to rethink my positions, but it is all a part of my independent investigation of truth.  To understand a group of people, I believe one must have knowledge of and tolerance for their history.  In this region, there are many diverse groups of people--all with rich histories, beautiful customs and fascinating traditions, and I want to be able to fully appreciate those whose land I’ve come to call my new home.  To sum up the character of a group of people based on the actions and beliefs of the minority of that group is unacceptable in my eyes, and goes against all that I believe in, therefore I am striving to learn all I can about the peoples in this very unique and ancient 
land.

There is a different rhythm to life here in the Middle East.  What may have seemed chaotic on my first few visits is becoming less and less so the more time I spend here. While there seems to be a general lack of organization at times, the frequent inability to stand in a cue without cutting in line or pushing and invading one’s “bubble” of personal space, and epic failures when it comes to staying in one’s own lane during traffic, there are far fewer feathers ruffled when these things occur than would be the case back in the states.  Personal space is just not that important in such a communal culture, I'm finding.  It seems that as long as everyone gets to where they’re going, the manner in which they do so doesn’t seem to really matter.  On my first few visits here, I was struck by what I thought was extremely rude behavior (and sometimes it is actually rude!), but I am now beginning to understand that most people are not intentionally being rude, but are instead oblivious of others’ needs for such stringent rules and expectations.  Though turning a blind eye to those who break rules isn't necessarily the right thing to do, it's often the only way to keep oneself sane.  I learned a new word a few weeks ago:  “Roo’a, ” (pronounced Roo-uh with a rolled “R”) which basically means, “CHILL OUT!”  Good advice if I want to assimilate.

A cobbler busy at work in downtown Amman, or "Balad"

Safety seems to be less of a concern here, it seems.  Infant and toddler car seats are often optional to parents, and certainly not required, or at least enforced, by law.  It’s a bit unnerving to drive up alongside a car with a toddler hanging halfway out the window, or with a newborn on a mother’s lap in the front passenger seat.

No car seat, no seatbelt, no worries!

"Look, Mom!  No car seat and I'm in the front seat!"

Typical traffic, with lanes completely disregarded, and passengers perched in the back of a truck.

I often see workers or passengers sitting in the back of a truck bed, often precariously perched atop objects being transported.  I cringe to think what could, and often does, happen to people here in the case of a car accident.  Pedestrians here seem to have no need of crosswalks or foot bridges because it’s faster to just cross into heavy traffic.  They will most likely make it, so why not?  If a driver here strikes a pedestrian with his car, (or in rarer cases, if a pedestrian hits a driver’s car by some freak accident such as falling from a balcony onto a non-moving car) it is always the driver’s fault, regardless of whether the pedestrian walked right in front of his moving vehicle.  In such cases, stupidity pays.  And whether or not it seems just or makes any sense at all, the driver must make personal and often arbitrary reparations to the pedestrian, or the pedestrian’s family if he should become deceased due to the accident.  This is tribal law, and in addition to any civil law, it can be enforced.   Note to self:  avoid pedestrians at ALL costs when behind the wheel!  As if I wouldn’t anyway, but here it is paramount.

Two men from the gulf region, dressed in dishdasha and hattahs, or keffiyehs, and shades, of course!

There is also a difference in how long a person can stare or look at another while still having it considered culturally acceptable.  It’s for a much longer time here, which makes for an uncomfortable feeling if one is not used to it.  Of course, one is free to wear whatever clothing one chooses here in Jordan, but for women, if you choose to bare your shoulders, your legs above the knee (and often even below the knee) you ARE going to get stared at—by men and women alike!  I’m not even sure what percentage of women here in Amman chooses to wear hijab (head scarf) or niqab (a black veil that covers a woman’s face and neck), or an abaya (a modest full length overcoat or dress worn over the clothes), or any combination of the three, but it is definitely less than half of the population.  For men wearing dishdasha (traditional Middle Eastern white, ankle length garment similar to a robe) and/or a hattah or keffiyeh (scarf like head cover, sometimes with a checkered pattern that identifies one’s country of origin), the percentages are even less.  In any case, here in Jordan, the majority of society as a whole eschews immodest dress.  My general rule of thumb is to pack a light long sleeve sweater or wrap in my handbag to cover up as necessary.  There are more conservative neighborhoods where it would be disrespectful to dress even in short sleeves or with a skirt or dress.   I have no intention of exerting my right to dress how I choose if it’s at the cost of offending others.  As the saying goes, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”  Or in my case, “When in Rome, understand what the Romans do, and try to be respectful!”  It’s a bit ironic, but at many of the shops in the malls here (and boy, do they have malls here!!!), the mannequins are displayed wearing skimpy, tight, low-cut or short clothing, when in most cases, such clothing is considered completely inappropriate.  Kaelin and I wonder who in Amman buys these items and where do they wear them?  Of course, the clubbing and nightlife scene in Amman is alive and well, so perhaps that is where they get to put them to use.

Speaking of nightlife…we are adapting to the lifestyle here in which most activities take place at night, after 8:00 or so.  It is common to have a 10:00 dinner reservation, or to meet friends for coffee, tea or drinks at 11:00 or so.  There are many hip cafes, coffeehouses and shisha (shisha, argeeleh, hookah, call it want you want) bars, many of which are open-air terraces or with street-side seating.  Driving through the city at night, it’s always fun to people-watch and take in the hustle and bustle of the evening shoppers and late-night strollers.   Staying up so late requires a schedule adjustment, so sleeping in till 9:00 or so and going to sleep after 1:00 a.m. is my new “normal,” often accompanied by the occasional nap.  While drinking caffeinated beverages after 2:00 or 3:00 p.m. was typically a surefire way to bring on a bout of insomnia for me back home, here it is often essential as a pick-me-up to make it through the long evenings.

Having had sufficient time to become adjusted to my new home and schedule, I am finding myself antsy to start something for myself.  On a recent Skype call to my parents, my mother asked, “So, Michelle.  How is it living the life of leisure?  Are you bored yet?!?”  She knows me too well.  Since I will need to eventually learn Arabic, it seemed prudent to start with that, before seeking volunteer work or a job, since having the basics of the language under my belt will expand my options.  Esam has found a four-week intensive Arabic language course that meets five days a week for five hours each day, with an additional three hours of homework each day.  Whew!  My head will be spinning, but it will be well worth the time and effort.  Life here will be so much more enjoyable without the language barrier. 

If any of my readers has a curiosity about some aspect of life here in Amman, or a particular question you want to ask me, please do!  I look forward to sharing about specific topics that are interesting to those who follow my blog.  Ask away! 

Good evening, Amman, and good morning, Seattle!

~M.