What Can I Do?

After nearly two months here in Amman, I am beginning to finally feel that this is home.  I’ve gone through a range of emotions already as I adjust to the changes in my lifestyle.  The pace of life is simpler here.  With the exception of the traffic, it is much slower and less time driven.  I’m learning to relax and not to expect to meet deadlines, appointments or goals as originally planned.   Everything eventually gets done, just not always on my timeline.  For a control-freak like me, this is a tough lesson.  Becoming flexible and more patient in nature and trying not to become frustrated about time delays is my goal. 

As many Americans are, I am a constant doer.  I rarely used to sit down and relax at home in the states.  There was always something to be done.  Reading a book or watching a program was a guilty pleasure, a mere time filler or sleep inducer.  Now, I am finding that I have many hours to fill because I am not working here yet, nor am I the head of household as I was in the states.  All of the tasks related to keeping a home are not my responsibility here, so my days are quite open ended.  I read a lot now, and I’ve admittedly been doing my fair share of watching mindless television series.  For the first few weeks, I was unpacking, getting settled and adjusting to the reality of my permanent move.  Once that actually sank in, I panicked a bit.  I suddenly realized I needed something to do…right then!  I sulked, I cried, and likely drove my husband a little bit crazy.  He made some calls trying to get some leads on volunteer work I might do, and found a school where I could enroll in Arabic lessons.  I relaxed a little, knowing plans were in the making.  After I quit focusing on all the things I couldn’t do (such as speak Arabic, drive, etc.) I started focusing on making a plan.  I decided that I wanted to learn a bit of Arabic before I seek a job, but would like to do some volunteer work for a non-profit NGO or other non-profit business in the interim.  

Later that week, I met with a man and his wife who are starting up an NGO focused on youth empowerment in the community.  They said they could use my help setting up their office and potentially interacting with the youth as well once the program builds.  In mid-October I will meet with them again to see how their business plans are progressing and when they will be ready for me to come assist them.  This will be a part-time position to start, but will expose me to others in the community and will slowly get me back into work mode. 

As far as learning Arabic goes, my sister-in-law took me to the Modern Language Center in Amman to inquire about class schedules and fees there.  I decided that if I go there, I would start in early November.  Each course segment is one month long, and there are ten levels in the Arabic course.  Then, last week I asked my sister-in-law to take me to a children’s bookstore to buy some Arabic alphabet flashcards.  She patiently worked with me on how to make all the sounds for each letter, and I began to memorize them.  After two days, I could recite the 28 letters in the Arabic alphabet in order, and write them as well.  On day 3, I studied a book I have called Easy Arabic Script, and learned how the letters “join up” when written, much like cursive writing.  By the next day, I could sound out and read words in the newspaper.  By day 4, I was reading road signs and advertisements when we were in the car.  I can even text in Arabic now!  It is the most amazing feeling and the only thing I can compare it to would be when my own girls were just learning to read, and how excited they would become when they sounded out a new word and realized they could actually read!  It’s as if a whole new world has opened up for me.  I am giddy with excitement, and so determined to learn and eventually master this language.  The next step is to build my vocabulary and to have confidence when trying to speak to others in Arabic. 

Gaining my bearings in Amman took a little time for me, but I am finally becoming more familiar with the routes we take to get to most of the places we go.  There are really just three or four main arterial roads, and lots of crowded, secret side streets and back roads off of them.  Those are the roads I am less familiar with, but I generally have an idea how to get around town now.  Esam keeps telling me that once I drive, it will all make sense to me.  Yesterday, my daughter wanted to be dropped off somewhere for a few hours, and I volunteered to drive her.  It was on a Friday, which is the first day of the weekend here, so the streets were less busy than usual and it was a good day for me to venture out on the streets of Amman.  It was easy, and I realized that even had it been a little more crowded and chaotic on the streets, I would have easily been able to navigate my way and hold my ground against reckless, feckless and inconsiderate drivers.  After I dropped my daughter off, I realized that I could take advantage of the lax enforcement of the speed limit, so I gleefully pressed on the gas and zipped up the hill home, EVEN changing lanes without signaling.  Scandalous, I know.  It felt good to be behind the wheel again, and I have to admit, the hidden speed demon in me could get used to these relaxed rules.  It's a good thing I was only in a 4-cylinder car.

On the political front, I’ve been watching the news about the U.S. Presidential Campaign as well as trying to follow the local and regional news here.  Without going into too many details about my thoughts and opinions about specifics, I want to express how strange it feels to be living so far from home during an election year.  Four years ago, I was following every sound-byte, every debate, every detail of the election.  Now, it is with some detachment and a sense of disconnect that I read the headlines and opinion polls of the 2012 race.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not as optimistic about the outcome of the next four years or of the state of the union in general, or if it’s because I am focusing more of my energies on trying to understand the political climate here in this region where I am now living.  The atrocities in Syria are unrelenting and agonizing to witness.  Palestine and Israel are no closer to a peaceful solution.  The Iranian government is hurting its own people and flexing its muscles on the world stage, meanwhile Jordan has its own struggles, economical, social and political.  It is very surreal to see life go on right before one's eyes in the midst of such tragedy.   Sadly, life has no choice but to move forward:  people must still work to provide for their families, young people must still strive for a better future by seeking a solid education, and parents must still nurture and train their young children and continue to give them hope for a brighter future.  And throughout it all, each must still seek the joy in the small things in life.  When I look around, I see so much beauty, and so much to be grateful for.  It’s easy to get caught up in the mundane, in the minute details and the negative aspects of life, and I do this more often than I feel comfortable admitting.   Yet I keep pondering how I can make some small difference, have some positive impact on humanity, as I eventually seek out a new career here in Amman.  The world is in turmoil and apathy abounds.  Surely there is something I can do.

Sabah al-khayr, Amman, and Goodnight Seattle!

~M.