Up until now, I have not mentioned my two daughters and how my move to Jordan will affect them. My eldest daughter is a 17-year old senior in high school and, though accepted into a great state university here in Washington, she recently dropped a bombshell on me and my husband. She asked if she could defer her acceptance at the university here for one year, and join me in my move to Amman. Her intention is to pursue other education options, namely acceptance to an American university abroad. We will support her in her efforts, but like anything worthwhile, it's not going to be easy! In any case, we are both so happy she has chosen to join us there, and we are sure the exposure will be life-changing for her.
My youngest child is a 15-year old daughter. She is an adventurous spirit, and eager to seek out dreams of her own! She decided she wanted to live with her father in September of 2011, and now lives with him in the Palm Springs, CA area. I can’t believe it’s been almost 8 months since she left my home. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that this has been one of the most painful things I have had to endure in my life thus far. Letting her go from my home, trusting that she will be in good hands, and will make good choices for herself have been constant worries of mine these past 8 months. Missing her on a daily basis has been a common theme throughout my days and often sleepless nights. Deciding to move to Jordan to join my husband, roughly 3 years ahead of our planned timeframe due to my daughter’s move, fills me with feelings of guilt, regret, and sadness. Though I know we will see each other at least three times a year when she is on breaks from school and we meet in my hometown to spend time together, or when she comes to stay with us in Jordan during the summers, I can’t escape the feeling of loss that I feel. Teenagers, by definition, are explorers; they are exploring themselves and the world around them, outside of the family unit. With this exploration comes a necessary separation from the people and things of their childhoods. This translates into less frequent communication with "Mom." It all boils down to redefining boundaries, sometimes against a parent's own will! Perhaps this will change over time. I can only hope.
In the meantime, my hopeful heart embraces both of my daughters with a fervent mother's love. I cheer them both on as I watch them embark on their own exciting journeys.
I felt that sharing this very personal part of myself was necessary, as I am sure to be mentioning my children in future posts, and it seemed a necessary piece to the puzzle that is my life.
Goodnight, Amman, & good afternoon, Seattle!
~M.
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| My sweet little girls, photo taken in 1999. |
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| My two daughters with me in Amman during the Summer of 2011 |
My youngest child is a 15-year old daughter. She is an adventurous spirit, and eager to seek out dreams of her own! She decided she wanted to live with her father in September of 2011, and now lives with him in the Palm Springs, CA area. I can’t believe it’s been almost 8 months since she left my home. Without going into too much detail, suffice it to say that this has been one of the most painful things I have had to endure in my life thus far. Letting her go from my home, trusting that she will be in good hands, and will make good choices for herself have been constant worries of mine these past 8 months. Missing her on a daily basis has been a common theme throughout my days and often sleepless nights. Deciding to move to Jordan to join my husband, roughly 3 years ahead of our planned timeframe due to my daughter’s move, fills me with feelings of guilt, regret, and sadness. Though I know we will see each other at least three times a year when she is on breaks from school and we meet in my hometown to spend time together, or when she comes to stay with us in Jordan during the summers, I can’t escape the feeling of loss that I feel. Teenagers, by definition, are explorers; they are exploring themselves and the world around them, outside of the family unit. With this exploration comes a necessary separation from the people and things of their childhoods. This translates into less frequent communication with "Mom." It all boils down to redefining boundaries, sometimes against a parent's own will! Perhaps this will change over time. I can only hope.
In the meantime, my hopeful heart embraces both of my daughters with a fervent mother's love. I cheer them both on as I watch them embark on their own exciting journeys.
I felt that sharing this very personal part of myself was necessary, as I am sure to be mentioning my children in future posts, and it seemed a necessary piece to the puzzle that is my life.
Goodnight, Amman, & good afternoon, Seattle!
~M.
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